zinzinish

The system at work is down, so I’ve updating!

This weekend I had a little run in with Girl Code. You know what I mean, that little nebulous black book of rules that every girl by the age of 19 knows and lives by. There are certain situations in which it is acceptable to break Girl Code. One, severe inebriation, two, post-trauma rambling, and three, hormones (note that this only applies about half of the time, depending on who you’re dealing with, and just how annoying you are, cus, come on, we all have hormones.) Girl Code is comprised of knowledge that you begin gathering when you’re young, probably when you first start noticing the differences between you and Jimmy over there ramming his head into a tree and all of his friends laughing hysterically, and till high school when everyone’s testing the Code and at their cattiest, until mid college, when almost everyone has it down pat. Cardinal rules of Girl Code include:

1. When your girlfriend says she thinks she’s gained a few pounds, you must tell her she is crazy. It’s best if you act shocked that she brings up the topic at all.
2. “Why hasn’t he called?!” should always be answered with “He’s so busy! Let’s go get ice cream.”
3. If she asks “Do I love myself so much that I’m going to end up an old maid?” you should probably say no.

So the people who do not know girl code are mocked and shunned because the rest of us are so darn proud of ourselves for learning a little social etiquette. And we gossip about them, about their tactlessness and their insensitivity. We don’t mention this set of unspoken rules, because we never mention Girl Code aloud, especially not in the heat of battle. If you think about it, almost all female conflicts are results of a breach of Girl Code. The Others, as the unknowing ones are called, are usually stoned to death at the sorority formal.

The event that brought on this rant happened this past weekend when Nicki disobeyed rule # 3 listed above. After she, Lauren and I finished watching the Sex and the City movie(if Girl Code were the Bible, this movie would be the Holy Grail), we stepped out, all cried out and laughed out. Nicki, presumably still a little high from the movie, half giggles and half says to Lauren, “You are just like Samantha, you love yourself so much!” At which point, Lauren stomps off to her little red convertible. Now, mind you, I would normally have attributed this comment to the endorphins released by the deliciousness that is the NY foursome, but Nicki has been known to break the Code. She doesn’t intend to, she always means well, she’s just very blunt. She’s both admired and disdained for this trait. Disdained mostly by sorority girls, and admired by boys and manlier girls, like myself(at least mentally).

It’s kind of sad that, in this context, rationality and openness mean masculinity, whereas slyness is the girl equivalent. This got me thinking about one of the last This American Life broadcasts I heard about testosterone – how it’s linked to ambition, decisiveness, (and maybe physics (in parentheses cuz feminists are scary)). That the more testosterone you have, the more prevalent these traits are in your personality. It’s also linked to a lack of stage fright, so actors and lawyers tend to have a lot of T. The interesting thing is, if these statements are true, both Nicki and Lauren have high levels of testosterone. Nicki is decisive, knows what she wants, and is rarely afraid. Lauren is very ambitious, wants to be a lawyer and will be an amazing, cutthroat lawyer. (did you catch all that asskissing for extra girl code points?) Where as I, as the battle raged, mostly stood in the background, trying not to take sides and, later, tried to philosophize Nicki into a solution. I don’t have much testosterone(sometimes), and I am jealous. So the fact that my gal pals clash maybe isn’t because of their femininity, but rather because of the traits within them that resemble those of men.

So I guess the conclusion is that masculinity is the root of all evil

But seriously, to continue… on the other hand, Lauren doesn’t follow Girl Code, or at least no more than it takes to survive in girl world. She’s beautiful, brazen and probably will try to argue with me that she doesn’t even know what Girl Code is, but she’s bluffing. Let’s take a fundamental rule, like you shouldn’t steal a boy who’s been claimed. (Note: Lauren hasn’t actually broken this rule, or at least not that I know of.) A girl could never get away with stealing a friend’s boyfriend, as every other girl (and boy) in her friend circle will think she’s a cunt. On the other hand, if you were to steal an unknown girl’s boyfriend, allthewhile talking a lot of shit about her, telling stories about her bitchiness and about that time she cheated on said boyfriend in vivid detail, leaving him crushed. Talk about how you want, no, need, to pick up the pieces. Your friends will accept the transaction, heck, maybe even root for ya. It’s how you play the game, isn’t it? A lot of the times, Nicki doesn’t know how to play the game, and I love her more for it.

In happier news, I’m more and more excited about Paris everyday. WHOOOOPIE! Oh, and just so all of you countrytons know, Hannah the current au pair and voyeur extraordinaire has informed me that no Parisians go out on Saturdays cuz it’s when all the suburbanites come into town and rowdy up the place. Travel tip #1! Don’t expect any more.

P.S. Helena, please don’t strike me down today. I wanna go jogging later when I go home, and shower, and eat tofu.

UPDATE: Nicki has sent me an email recommending a book called He’s Just Not That Into You. HMMM. With subject line “YOU MUST READ THIS BOOK!!!!”. And has offered to deliver it to my house. Do you think she’s trying to send some sort of a message? Anyway, this might be a breach of Girl Code; I can’t quite tell, seeing as the book itself claims to be a subset of codes for the madre Code.